June 9, 2011

A word on courage

Six weeks ago I ended a relationship and then moved into my own apartment four days later. It has been an interesting time to be alone in the midst of feeling lonely for someone who I had not stopped caring for...just stopped seeing how it could work out. It's led to a very reflective six weeks--mostly because the reflection has been imposed upon me. My home is so, so quiet--no TV or internet--which was a deliberate decision. I also found myself unpacking boxes of kitchen items that have been in storage since I was divorced ten years ago. Since they're like new I had put them away for a future date, thinking that would save a lot of money for when I was married again. Instead I was unpacking them alone after ending a relationship that opened very similar wounds to the ones I felt back then. Oh, the feelings I had to face.

So face them I have because even though the other option seems easier, I think it's destructive. I have felt angry at God and I'm okay admitting that because I love Him and I want to be honest with Him. Otherwise He can't help me. Also, I know that anger comes when you feel entitled to something that doesn't come to pass when you want it to, which I can't blame God for because He never promised me that I wouldn't get my heart broken. Any entitlements I feel have been imposed upon me by myself. But sometimes it just seems necessary to put blame somewhere...and God is my best option because he always sees me through in the right way. I love Him for that.

During the past weeks, above everything else, I have felt His desire for me to be courageous. In fact I think courage, out of both necessity and interest, has become my new motto. I know I can't anticipate heartache that is to come but I know that I can do hard things simply because I already have--and I am surprised by the person it is helping me to become. In quiet moments of deeply missing delayed blessings, I have felt the Spirit whisper courage to me. It also whispers comfort and assurance, but while those things distill upon me, courage is something I have to grasp onto and activate within my life, which helps me to feel a sense of purpose and power. And I need those things in order to progress. Friends, I have a new found love for courage. I want my life to be overflowing with it. We, as children of the Most High, have been given the capacity to face our challenges with resilience, which actually transforms our very being. I'm convinced of that. 
I hope you can all find courage in your journey today...whatever that entails.

Before I go, I must say that I think it takes a lot of courage to claim that you've found your bust at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, but that's exactly the kind of courage that belongs to my new co-blogger, Erin. You all are going to LOVE her (if you don't already). Welcome to the blog, E!!!



Erin and her bust.
P.S. Look for a new feature tomorrow called "Photo Friday"! Since Erin and I will soon be living on opposite ends of the world and then opposite ends of the country...we thought it would be fun to post a favorite photo we took during the week having to do with our respective surroundings. Mostly it's another way for the two of us to keep in touch, but hopefully you'll enjoy it too!

2 comments:

  1. I loved reading this post Heather. Thanks for sharing. I love you.

    ReplyDelete