April 10, 2011

The Sunday Post


Last night I sat in the temple alone...like I almost always have for the past 12 years. I don't know the temple any other way but as a very solo experience. And while I think the temple experience is meant to be individual, I think it is also meant to be familial. So I'm thinking about this and looking at the couples around me and wondering if I'll be with my spouse in the temple someday. And I think maybe I was trying to feel some kind of sorrow about years of not being able to do that, but the sorrow didn't come.

Instead I was gently reminded of all of the hours that God has spent with me in temples that I now consider to be "mine". The Manti temple is mine because it's where I received my endowment, the Provo temple is mine because it's where I was living when I first went to the temple, the Salt Lake temple is mine because it's the longest I've lived in one place (and the temple I've attended the most), the Manhattan temple is mine because it's the only place I felt refuge in that city, the St. George temple is recently mine and I love how strikingly prominent it is in my everyday landscape. One of the primary blessings of my years of being single is that it is easy for me to go to the temple. Not that life isn't busy, but I've never wanted to deceive myself into thinking that it's just as hard for me to go to the temple as it is for someone with a family. I don't have to figure out a babysitter or plan days in advance. I can go on a whim, which to me has meant that I should.

I have thought and wept and prayed and received answers in the temple. Usually always alone. But it's the one place I never feel forgotten. The temple is mine. As I've tried to figure out how to feel a sense of home as a single person, God has given me this place that always, always feels like home--in the deepest and most encouraging ways. I can let go of all of the roles I try to fill for myself because there's no on else to fill them and just be a child. I have felt profound relief in the home of my Father.

I know I may enter a season where I'm not able to attend the temple as often as I do now and I think I will always look at these years and see how God made me feel protected, provided, and cared for in His temples. It is a blessing I never want to forget.

Have a wonderful Sabbath everyone!

Photo here.

3 comments:

  1. My sweet Heather...of all the things I have read that you have written, this is one of my favorite. It is a powerful testimony of the House of God-that it is "our house" where we kneel at the feet of the Savior so to speak, and feel of his love and grace. Love you, Mom

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  2. Stephen and I finally got to the temple last week. It was a strange experience...which tells me, obviously, that we need to get there more often. One thing I didn't like about the temple is how I couldn't sit with my true love, so while I was there I was thinking about what I should be learning from this separation of spouses...for Stephen and I are one :-)

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  3. H. Loved this post. You're aMAzing, double on the zing. Miss you. Thanks for speaking to my soul. Love, e

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