February 4, 2011

Happy Weekend to You!

It's the weekend!! I'd like to address a touchy subject in the world of single people - weekend pressure. I can't count the times when I've made (I admit) or heard excuses for why-I'm-sitting-around-doing-nothing-at-home-this-weekend. Shouldn't "because I'm tired" or "because nothing sounded interesting" or even "because I didn't have anyone interesting to get together with, but that's not the end of the world" be enough!? Well, it is.

Pressure makes it hard to decipher your own feelings. Since it's not only the month of Presidents and Ground Hogs but also Love, I think it might be appropriate to address this challenge.

If you're feeling weekend dissatisfaction it may be for one of the following reason:

1. You are forcing yourself to go to every singles activity offered on the planet - If that's the case you likely need to give yourself a break! Pull yourself out of quasi-delusional thinking and relax a bit. Missing ONE activity or party you've been invited to will not lead to missing your future spouse! I don't think God is tricky like that, in fact I know he's not. Having some internal peace will probably do a lot more for your life than viewing every event as obligatory.

2. Your weekends are mostly spent in hermit-like hibernation - If you read #1 and started adding to your list of justifications for sitting in your pajamas watching movies by yourself for the 20th straight weekend, let's be honest, you would probably be happier if you dusted yourself off and went in for one of those activities (or even more honestly, possibly signed up for some helpful counseling). THIS IS YOUR LIFE and your life is as real and valid today as it ever will be (despite marital status) and deserves to be lived!

3. You're feeling a little stagnant - Ok, this is milder than #2 and is probably just swallow-your-pride or think creatively kind of stuff. You might just need to try something new, branch out a little (with the purpose of making your life what it needs to be, not just to find someone to marry) like - a singles trip, internet dating, have a serious talk with God or change cities, job, your focus or ward. A great way to spend the weekend.

You've heard all of that before. I guess the real question is what could you do this weekend that would really feel good? That would bring feelings of an open heart, peace, joy, happiness? It's easy to make our whole lives about being single including every minute of our weekends. But you are bigger than that one question! I hope you have a great weekend. . .but, no pressure.

Painting from here.


  1. Well, I most often am a two. I have been a three and never a one. In St. Joe I started attending single events and ward in the fall. By spring I was living in another state where instead of being with a bunch of single people as I had anticipated I was with a bunch of married people, newlyweds too. Ugh.

    I'm getting burnt out working hard to make friends just to lose all that time and effort when I'm forced to relocate and start all over again.

    How do you mend a broken social life when you aren't in one place long enough to establish ties?

    There's a guy who appears to be interested in me (I say appears because he seems fairly enthusiastic for not even knowing me) and he called and left me a message. A few days went by while I delayed calling him back. I was somewhat reluctant which was a bit mystifying to me.

    I was bored and restless, even more than usual, and so I called him back thinking, "why wouldn't I call someone who might increase the variety and interest of my life?" Why was I so reluctant? He may not turn out all that interesting, but I don't know that yet.

    To rephrase Mrs. Forrester of Cranford (Elizabeth Gaskell), "it's all been such an endless succession of disappointments."

    I definitely need to sign up for the counseling. I'll pay using some of that money that's piling up in my bank account. Does that sound too bitter?

  2. Sarah, I totally feel for you. I've felt those feelings myself at times.

    I think you are hitting at something really interesting. In working with women through Mother House there seemed to be evidence of a common loop women could get lost in - - I'm not happy because I'm not married (or dating), and I'm not dating because I'm not happy (not hopeful, overwhelmed, not accepting of self).

    I think your conclusion is good, starting with yourself to find happiness. Starting with dating as a solution will often land you somewhere (or with someone) NOT ideal or even close. Working on finding personal health can lead to a lot of great possibilities - not just in the dating realm.

    It's difficult to lift yourself up and do that though on your own. As I said above, your life is worth so much with OR without someone to come home to. I think if you are feeling those negative feelings there is a LOT of happiness to be gained right now by working through that and I personally know that a ton of joy can come through that work. Joy, frankly, not at all related to your relationship status.