Here is a guest post from one of our friends who needs no introduction. Her post will take care of that.
Hello, Golden Hearts. Liz and Heather have asked me repeatedly to write a guest blog post on the topic of “what makes me happy as an LDS single woman.”
I am Kate. Here are a few things that make me happy: the bags of fresh veggies in my kitchen, the Thyme plant growing in my living room, my black bottle of ink and fountain pen, and Motown music. There are plenty of other things that make me happy. And when it comes to my happiness, I don’t think it makes a lick of difference that I am single – I don’t need to wait until I’m married to be happy. If I was married and those same things didn’t make me happy, then heaven help me. And what if I ended up like this sad sack?
About a month ago, I met a recently divorced LDS man for dinner, our very first meeting. He proceeded to talk to me for 3 hours about every aspect of his divorce and broken family life. He could not tell me one thing that personally made him happy. He had no clue how to be himself on his own. Usually when we hear the phrase “get a hobby,” it is meant in a sarcastic way, and I said it and meant every word. I even tried to help him think of things that he would enjoy, and encouraged him to seek some professional help since he didn’t have the capacity to figure out his new stage of life for himself. Nice light dinner conversation, right?
Following this first encounter, he just started copying things that I enjoyed: reading the book I was reading (which was a quirky book about cooking that I never would have recommended to a man to read), cooking the foods I was cooking...really annoying since he was trying to get recommendations on how to cook a food that he admittedly did not like. He continued telling me about his broken family. I know what I can handle, so I determined that I could only discuss things with him that were his hobbies, and that I could not be an enabler for his pattern of negativity. I refused to discuss his divorce or his family life any further. We kept a limited e-mail correspondence for about a week before there was nothing left that I would discuss. I generally choose to associate with people that have some sense of their own identity. Who knows…maybe one day when this guy finds his own identity, and what makes him happy, one of you might be interested.
(Hadn’t had a date in a few months, then got that…Sheesh!)
I’m an LDS single woman. I’m happy that I know what makes me happy and that I can be happy on my own. As my visiting teacher and I were discussing a few weeks ago, there are a whole lot worse things than being single. And I’m not picky about men – I’m just smart.
Maybe I have an over-developed sense of self, but I don’t think so. Who I am on my own is important to me. Because whether I am single or married, I am me. I choose my life and I choose whether or not I am happy. If I was married, it would still be me determining whether or not I was happy – not my husband making that decision for me. And just for the record, I would rather be happy alone than unhappily married.
I am a person of value now and forever, and my value is not determined by my marital status. That makes me happy. I am Kate.